


all your regret cannot be reversed

by aethereality



Category: Outlast (Video Games)
Genre: Death, Drabble, Gen, Religion, Walrider Miles Upshur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:55:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24862651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aethereality/pseuds/aethereality
Summary: Floating in between existences leaves Miles a lot of time to consider things, after all, it's not like he can change the way everything went.
Kudos: 5





	all your regret cannot be reversed

**Author's Note:**

> i might add to this at some point but here it is for now

Miles had been alone for so long that everyone had just assumed he preferred it that way. It was easy enough for him to give up everything to focus on how things were with Murkoff, what with him having no real close friends. He didn’t mean to give his life up, too. It wasn’t supposed to go that far. 

Who was there but Waylon to remember Miles? To carry his body out of an asylum where others lay rotting and forgotten?

It was selfish to hope that his body would make it out of there. During everything, Miles had grown to accept that he would die in Mount Massive Asylum. The one thing he wanted was to escape being condemned there, he didn’t want his body to rot there, surrounded by sadistic scientists and forgotten patients. Of course, damnit, of _course_ he couldn’t even have that. His body wasn’t his own any more, and his head ached. Everything ached. He felt intruded upon. Claustrophobic, like there were too many people in one space. 

It was the least he could do, to control it for a few fleeting seconds. When he saw Jeremy, he just.. He just snapped. There he was, the man who’s ruined so many lives with no regrets, standing in front of him, smirking like the bastard that he is, so readily about to kill Waylon. He could stop this once and for all. He could save Waylon and get revenge for all the people he’d heard about and met in there, for Trager and Eddie, and he could-  
But he couldn’t. He wasn’t sure what convinced him, probably Waylon’s sobs coaxing him out of anger, and after everything, he felt that Park deserved someone to mourn with. Someone to cry with, someone that might give him the smallest semblance of pity, no matter how fake and contrived it was. He could feel the Walrider almost pressing in on him, squeezing his lungs and willing him to do it, just _do it,_ see what destruction you could cause, because at least you would be remembered that way, Miles, but in the end he gave up. 

He relented, because if he killed Jeremy Blaire then he would be just like him. 

Did they see Billy Hope as a god? Does that mean he is now a god? Does that give him the power to judge those lesser than him? He had so many questions, because that’s all he could do now. Ask questions. He didn’t have control, he just faded in and out of existence. He supposed that’s what it’s like when you’re dead - you’re only alive as long as someone thinks about you. Every time Waylon thought about Miles, wishing he was there so he could talk to him about how Jeremy was treating him, Miles existed. But as soon as that train of thought stopped, when Waylon had convinced himself that everything was fine with his relationship and Miles was dead, he felt himself dissipate a little. Maybe a previous boyfriend thought about him from time to time, wondering how he was doing, what he was up to, with no idea about the horrors Miles had went through in the last events of his life.

Was that what god was like? Only there when you thought about him? When you needed him? It sure as hell didn’t seem that way. God must have overlooked Mount Massive Asylum, if it _was_ true. He must have done something really bad in his past life to deserve this.


End file.
